so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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