So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
