I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
