Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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