Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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