Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
