I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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