i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
