is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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