i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
