Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
