lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
