i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
