There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
