did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
