Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
