i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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