I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
