i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
