dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
