You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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