Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
