I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
