I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
