I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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