there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
