Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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