First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
