So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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