I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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