I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
