Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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