It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
