Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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