i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
