i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
