Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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