I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
