question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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