Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
