They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Even my vagina gasped.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you had me at cake vodka
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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