Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
