Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
