so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
