we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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