i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
