The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
