Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
