My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
