Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
