I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
