I hate all girls vehemently.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
