i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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