she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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