I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
