I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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