I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize