I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize