it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
