ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
