This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
