My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
