Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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