definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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