I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
