Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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