I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just invented taco cereal.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
