She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
