i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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