I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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