He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
