these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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