Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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