the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
