Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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