Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
