yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my poor anus
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
