I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
