We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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