If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
