I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
