Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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