I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
