I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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