I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize