Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize