Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
