don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
