put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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