remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
