Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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