I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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