Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to make out with him forever
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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