Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
